On January 6, 2016 my beautiful baby girl gained her wings to heaven. I was 37 weeks, pretty much already due. I realized I hadn’t felt the baby move. I thought maybe I’d missed her moving because I had been so busy – or that she was running out of room. There was doubt, though, at the back of my mind. I decide to go in with my OB and have an ultrasound done. At that moment I just had this horrible feeling. A very nice doctor came up and confirmed there was no heartbeat and my world fell apart. That little person I’d been so excited to meet had died in my body and you think: “Why?” It’s not how it’s supposed to be.
Now I’m facing the harsh reality of choosing a tombstone. I’ve not just lost a baby: I’ve lost a little sister, toddler, a schoolgirl, a teenager and an adult daughter. A whole potential life has gone. I’ll never be able to swarm Mailyn with the love I had ready to give her. The only tangible reminders I have left are pictures, a lock of her hair as well as her foot and handprints. These are – and always will be – my most treasured possessions. Some people don’t know what to say to me: stillbirth is such as taboo. And when people say nothing? That hurts the most. We can talk about cot death but not about stillbirth. My doctor gave me a booklet on preventing cot death, yet stillbirth is ten times more common. The problem is that we can’t educate mothers about stillbirth as we have no answers. No one knows the warning signs to look out for.
Date of Loss: 2016-01-06