My Journey of Grief Attacks

Parent Stories, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness, Support Resources

Late at night, I came across this picture on Instagram and thought it resembled how I’ve been feeling this past year. It’s been 5 1/2 years since I last held my only son, Kadan and told him how much I loved him. Every year, I have different emotions. The 1st year was complete chaos, nothing made any sense. I would just stay in bed all day and cry. To vent, I wrote a 7 page letter to my friends expressing my feelings, attended therapy and support groups to keep myself together. That 1st year, I will never forget. The 2nd year, I wasn’t in denial anymore and became bitter and angry because reality set in that I’m living here on earth without my son. I basically “let myself go” and ate everything in sight.  I was just physically and emotionally exhausted. The 3rd year, I said to myself, “How did I survive all those years?” I was adjusting to living as a “new” Katelyn. The 4th year, I had a sense of peace and found myself crying less and started listening to my gut. My best advice is to listen to your gut. I don’t push myself too much. I still find it really difficult to attend kids birthday parties and baby showers, so if I’m not in the mood, I just don’t go. Trust me, it’s okay to let yourself feel a certain way, such as bitterness or sadness at that time. Take your time, and do what you feel is best for you. But, if a mom has had a baby loss in the past, without a doubt I’m totally on board and happy to celebrate their child than someone who hasn’t gone through a loss. Now, I am just so cautious of my emotions and tend to always ask, “Who’s babies are going to be there?” For instance, I attended my best friend’s New Year’s party, but left before those with babies had arrived. To be “happy” and celebrate the new year is still such a struggle. I’m upfront with my best friend’s and thankful they understand me without asking questions.

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Guest Blogger Lindsey Henke – How to Make A Remembrance Wish Ball Ornament

Parent Stories, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness, Support Resources

This holiday season I wanted to do something special for my little girl.  I wanted to remember her in a unique way.  I have done many things, including dedicating a little tree just to her, hanging her stocking up next to Nick, George, and mine, along with my newest way, creating wish ball ornaments.

I read the idea of making an ornament like this in Techniques of Grief Therapy, by Robert A. Neimeyer.  Then I decided I wanted to make my own so I Googled it and couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for.  I did however, find a wonderful example of a wish ball Christmas ornament so I decided to make my own based off of a Christmas wedding party idea I found.

Each year I have decided to make one of these wish balls for my wishes I hold for Nora (I included Nick’s wishes in the ball too).  I wrote not only wishes but messages I want to share with her but can’t as she is no longer with us.  Message that include:

“I want you to know I love you forever and always will.”  and  “Daddy wishes he could hold you.”  Things like that and then I create this cool wish ball pictured above.

If you would like to know how to make one then just follow this 5 step tutorial.  Let me know what you think and if you make your own send me a picture of it on Instagram, just tag me @Stillbreathinglindsey

Okay here is the directions.  Enjoy!

Things to note:  I used card stock to print out my wishes and messages to Nora on. I also included other sayings like her name and the current year.  Oh, and it works best to get larger bulbs along with using a screw driver or pencil to help push the wishes into place once you get them into the ball.  Finally, you could use colored paper along with adding tinsel, glitter, or other fun stuff, to the wish ball, but I like the clean look above.  Your choice.
Good luck and may your wishes for your child too soon be captured in this memory wish ball each year.