714-509-0065 info@foreverfootprints.org

I’m Still Standing

I’ll admit there are days when I want nothing more than to go back to the person I was on September 8, 2012. They day before everything changed for me forever. On that day, I still didn’t know too much. Everything changed on September 9. I woke up that morning with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew something was wrong with Luke when I woke up. I did everything I could to get him to get moving…and nothing. These are not the things you expect on your 39th week of a completely uneventful, healthy pregnancy. When we walked into the hospital that day, I remember being told by everyone that they were just SURE everything was fine. I told myself over and over that they were probably right. But I just couldn’t fight that feeling that something WAS wrong. I just didn’t know how wrong. I don’t think I ever could have guessed that when I felt something was wrong, that he was actually already gone. Nothing to save. Nothing we could do. Just gone. No one thinks about these things when they’re pregnant. Not until that moment when everything turns upside down on you and you’re forced to face a reality that you never could have imagined. Sitting there in that delivery room, hearing that we wouldn’t be bringing Luke home with us–ever–that was the minute my life changed. The minute panic set in. Hopes and dreams were dashed. Grief entered, never to leave again. And I had no idea what I was in for. That day. That week. That year. I still...

Two Years Without Owen

Tomorrow will be two years since we said goodbye to Owen. Two years since we held onto him tightly as his soul left his body. I will never forget his adoring father and I whispering in his ear, “It’s okay to go. Mommy and Daddy will always love you. It’s okay to go.” While I struggled to say those words and was not truly ready, it was our job as his parents. We were being asked to do the hardest, most selfless thing and we could not let our son down. Deep in my heart I knew the Lord was waiting for him with open arms, he would soon be healed and be free of all this pain. His heart would finally be well and he would be safe. I can remember walking, more like being carried by my husband, out of the hospital for the last time in a daze. We had a lifetime to pack in our car and only moments to pack it up. I remember quickly turning around and running back through the big doors of the hospital to give our monthly parking pass to the security guard. Through deep sobs saying we wouldn’t be needing it anymore but surely there was a family that did. I remember the quiet 3 hour drive home. The first time my husband and I had made that drive together in over 120 days. I remember the empty smell of our home as we walked through the door. I remember panicking looking for my phone “incase” the hospital called. I remember collapsing in the back corner of my closet hidden...

My Three Angels

By: Kim Pooler We were so excited to be welcoming a third child into the world. I went to my first doctor appointment and my husband stayed home with our twins. We were full of joy and excitement. The joy and excitement faded with the first ultrasound. The doctor explained that the sack was not perfectly formed and had many dents. She told me because of this it is very unlikely the pregnancy would progress as it is supposed to and it just did not look good. She told me to prep for a miscarriage. I sat in my car and cried and called my husband. I then proceeded to church to pray for our little one. While getting in my car to go home after praying my husband called. He had just called 911. My son had just had his first seizure. (He was later diagnosed with epilepsy.) I was a mess. I called my parents to pick me up in the church parking lot. We meet my husband, son, and daughter at the hospital. A few days later I had another appointment for my peace of mind. The sack miraculously looked better. The doctor congratulated me on the pregnancy. Our hopes and joy were back. Next appointment our baby was gone. No heartbeat was found. I was numb. The blessing was I am a teacher and the miscarriage happened during the summer. Going back in August was difficult. I would sit in my class during recess and lunch and cry. I distanced myself from pretty much everyone. Then in December 2014 I went for a preconception appointment...